My issue with the "Love Yourself First" rhetoric

 “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else”

 

This phrase has been bothering me for a while. Whilst I appreciate the sentiment, there is a danger of telling people that if they don’t love themselves then they can’t love, or aren’t ready for love. This kind of messaging can make people who are struggling feel even more unworthy of love than they already do, as well as making them feel like they are a hopeless case. 

 

People who struggle with self-love are absolutely able to love others, perhaps even more so because they channel all their love into others. 

 

I do believe that loving yourself is important, and you should be working to try to love yourself more if this is something you struggle with. When you are able to love yourself you are better able to share your unique skills and personality with the rest of the world, and make the world a better place as a result.  However, telling people they have to love themselves before anything else denies love to the people who perhaps need it most, as well as ignoring the ongoing journey we all have with learning to love ourselves. 

 

Self-love is not a fixed destination; it’s an ongoing and fluctuating relationship that changes and evolves over time. If you struggle to love yourself, it doesn’t mean you can’t love others, or that you’re not ready to have others love you. It just means that you have some work to do, and perhaps that’s even something love from a good partner or friend could help with. However, it’s worth remembering that finding love for yourself is ultimately your own responsibility and not something someone else can do for you. I think this is really the crux of the “love yourself first” messaging, but I do worry that it could make people with low self worth feel even more worthless. 

 

Just remember that wherever you are in your journey of self love is okay, and that you are always worthy of love, but don’t give up on trying to love yourself.